Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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