I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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