i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
