wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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