I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
