; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
