And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
