I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
