I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
