I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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