She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
