I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
