Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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