he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What a dumb baby whore.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
