He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
