just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
