He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
