I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
