I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
