At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
