My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you will always have a special place in my vag
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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