All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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