Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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