Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
