dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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