Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
