Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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