I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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