So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
