the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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