Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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