Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
