i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
