The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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