The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
