my shit smells like andre
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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