so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
