I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
