Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
