So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
