Can i not drive my cunt home
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
