Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
