here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
