Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
