Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
