yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
