its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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