Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
