Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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