she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't turn off my feet"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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