i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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